All the single ladies, all the single ladies…put your hands down.

Attention all you single ladies!

Let me tell you something, woman to woman:


Stop everything.

Stop your whining.

Stop your crying.

Stop telling the world that you’re a bitch because some man made you that way.

Stop your “victim mentality”.

Stop your bullshit.

You are NOT single because the chain of men that you have been dating since you knew how to date has “screwed you over”. You are NOT “ruined” because some boyfriend of three weeks decided he didn’t want to be with you anymore. You are NOT “cursed” because you seem to attract the not-so-sane editions of the opposite sex. You are single because of YOU.

Don’t treat me to these things of the world
I’m not that kind of girl
Your love is what I prefer, what I deserve
Is a man that makes me then takes me
And delivers me to a destiny, to infinity and beyond
Pull me into your arms
Say I’m the one you want
If you don’t, you’ll be alone
And like a ghost I’ll be gone

-“All the Single Ladies” Beyonce Knowles

Beyonce Knowles is one of the countless pop stars that sings about heartbreak and sorrow brought on because some man did not know how to treat her right.

Have you stopped to consider that maybe YOU are the problem?

You are leaning entirely too hard onto songs about love. A relationship should not be like a Beyonce Knowles song, where you’re in the club, punishing the poor guy that just left you, by dancing with some other jockstrap. If the relationship is over, get over it! Sure, it may take a couple weeks, a couple months, maybe a year, but you are NOT ruined! You are not infinitely heartbroken because of ONE person.

Speaking of one person, when was the last time you clearly specified what exactly it is you’re hoping to come out of each of your relationships? Did you give him the opportunity to learn how to please you or how to make you angry? And if he did make you angry, did you give him a chance to learn how to fix it?

You “single ladies” have become victimized, and through nothing but your own actions.

I’m here to tell you, if you stop portraying this helpless victim of dating, and start confidently going through your life without giving every poor schmuck who compliments you on your eyes a chance, you may be pleasantly surprised that you have stopped your chain-dating of assholes.

Now, just to clarify, I am not attacking you. I am not attacking men. I am simply stating that you have a choice in who you date.

If you console yourself with lines like:

  • “The smarter the woman is, the more difficult it is to find the right man.”
  • “I think men are afraid to be with a successful woman because we are terribly strong.”
  • “Strong women only intimidate weak men.”
  • “A strong woman is one who is able to smile in the morning like she wasn’t crying last night.”

then you might be a victim of your own making.

I am not saying you should not be confident, because you damn well should be. I am not saying that you shouldn’t be strong when it comes to facing the world and all of its challenges, because you damn well should be. I am saying that you shouldn’t hold yourself on such a pedestal that you are unreachable for every good man that happens to come along, because you damn well should not be up that high.

You are to hold yourself to whatever value you choose, but without being so unattainable that every person who comes into your life that will treat you right, chooses to go for the one next to you instead.

You are smart.

You are beautiful.

You are valuable.

But instead of acknowledging these things, you are allowing leeches to enter your life and allow you to change your mind about how you see yourself. It’s called SELF esteem for a reason, no one can change that.

How a man treats you is a direct reflection of what you let him do.

You want him to disrespect you? Don’t respect yourself.

You want him to love you? Love yourself!

Instead of sitting on Facebook all day crying and whining and bitching and moaning about how valuable you are but you’re single, try showing someone. And I’m not talking about the first man that approaches you in the bar either. He might be complimenting you on your lips, but he has no interest in the set of lips that he can see (if you know what I mean).

And so what if the guy you went out to dinner with three times decided to take someone else out on his next Friday evening? It was three dates! Get over it! At least he knows what he wants, which is more than I can say for every butthurt “heartbroken” woman sitting at home because her date cancelled, and consoling herself with aforementioned lines about why she got dumped.

He cheated on you? Get mad, but don’t dismiss every man that comes along thinking he’ll do the same. That’s being a victim.

He left you? Get glad, that saves you the trouble of guessing two years down the road on whether or not he really wants to be with you. That’s being a victor.

He obviously did not want the same things as you, and you cannot continuously punish the rest of the male species because of what one man did to you five years ago.

Granted, there are extenuating circumstances that we will not list here, but for the most part, you did it to yourself.

You didn’t scare off the weak men.

You attracted them.

With your victim mentality, and poor-pitiful-single-me attitude, you opened the door for the womanizers to step in and take advantage of you.

You cannot sit there and tell me that you had no idea, no clue, no suspicion, no theory whatsoever, that the guy you were seeing was an ass. You knew. You let it happen. So I have absolutely zero pity for you, for allowing your feelings to get involved with someone that you knew would treat you badly. You only get to be the victim once, after that, you are voluntarily entering it.

You’re so in love with him that you give him repeated chances? Well, I hate it for you. Things don’t change the third, fourth, fifth time around. So those little “single lady” celebrations you’re boasting about on Facebook hardly count in between your on-again-off-again romance.

Stop bragging about being single! I’m not saying you NEED to be in a relationship all the time, and true, some women prefer to be single, but you are putting entirely too much weight on being in an actual relationship.

Not every man you go out to the movies with is your Prince Charming, and the second you stop expecting them to be, the second you free yourself from your victim mentality.

If you expect every man you date to be The One, of course you are going to be disappointed when it doesn’t work out.

So, all you single ladies, put your hands down. Stop volunteering and screaming “Pick me, pick me!” to every available man that walks by, because that, ladies, is why you’re still single.

You’re single because you’re allowing every man to come in and come out as he pleases, and let me tell you, it’s YOU that are giving him permission to do so.



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One response to “All the single ladies, all the single ladies…put your hands down.

  1. Pingback: You can’t turn beer into champagne, but you can still get drunk. | Cheeky Reality·

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