My Response to “23 Things To Do Instead of Getting Engaged Before You’re 23”


Statistically (although 70% of statistics are made up on the spot 65% of the time), 50% of all marriages end in divorce, but not even Divorcesource.com can give you an accurate number. In fact, the whole “50%” thing is false.

Fifty-percent of all marriages do NOT end in divorce, it is by far less than that, although I can’t provide the correct number. But, for the sake of argument, let’s say the big 5-0 is the right percentage and say that half of all marriages end in divorce….that leaves the other half. It goes without saying that if only half end, the other half must….*gasp*…..STAY MARRIED.

And you know, alright, whatever, they may not be happy marriages all of the time, but who wakes up every day completely 10000000% in sync with their partner’s mood and make it a great day?

Not me.

Not you.

Not your parents.

Not your grandparents.

Not your siblings.

Not your friends.

No one.

Marriage is work, but it isn’t for you.

That’s why, when I stumbled across a goofy blog this morning titled, “23 Things To Do Instead Of Getting Engaged Before You’re 23”, I felt the need to maybe speak up a bit.

This girl, a 22 year old single girl, who travels the world, is so….biased.

Yeah….let’s go with biased.

She is convinced that her way is the right way and that dozens of her peers are getting married (or engaged) because it’s “hip and trendy.”

*Excuse my language*

I call bullshit.

I view marriage as a lot of things, like, strong, commitment, love, team, partner, and all kinds of other things, but certainly not(!) trendy.

She goes on to describe her wonderful life as a single woman, with no one to tie her down as she gets to travel the world and discover herself and her dreams (more power to you, sista!), and then she throws in the word that I despise the most.

MILLENIAL.

Sigh….

Lady, you are one kooked bird, and using ‘millenial’ as a mold you and me and our peers are supposed to fit into is just silly, especially when it’s regarding marriage.

Being a millenial doesn’t mean that we are entitled to these righteous paths of self-discovery, or that we are the only generation with the right to find ourselves before we share our life with another person.

That’s called being a human.

Being a millenial doesn’t mean that we have to break all the molds our parents forged before us, or travel the world before we get married, like you suggest.

That’s called being different than you.

I am so sick and tired of people using the word ‘millenial’ to describe themselves as a way of justifying why they are spoiled, or why they have a false sense of entitlement like the world owes them something.

Newsflash-the world doesn’t owe you anything.

But, I’m really really starting to get off of my original track with this.

Vanessa (the author of the post 23TTDIOGEBY23) listed 23 things, and here they are, but instead of wasting space listing my responses below, I’ll just type out to the side in a different color.

1. Get a passport.     You know what, that’s actually not a bad idea. Get a passport and travel WITH your significant other. Since she doesn’t go into detail about what to do with said passport, I am going to assume she doesn’t mean for it to just sit in a drawer. So use it. Go somewhere with your fiance`(e), your husband/wife, your spouse/partner, just use it.

2. Find your “thing.”     Again, she’s got another good point. Find your “thing”. Then find your “thing” as a couple. In fact, your “thing” could be traveling together with previously mentioned passport.

3. Make out with a stranger.   Ohhh…..The first of the 23 I disagree with. I don’t suggest even single people make out with strangers for a variety of reasons. In case you need an example, here’s a few: Rape, Kidnap, Murder, Herpes, Stalker, etc.

4. Adopt a pet.    Agreed. Especially for those young couples who have the time and patience to love and nurture a pet. It’s good practice before you have kids. But being single doesn’t make it easier. Take it from me, a single woman who owns a hyperactive little terror by the name of Tank.

5. Start a band.    Guess I’m just gonna assume here that you know how to play an instrument. And if you don’t, learn one, then play together. As a former musician, playing by yourself can get pretty boring.

6. Make a cake. Make a second cake. Have your cake and eat it too.   I’m really not sure what this is supposed to prove on a list of things to do before getting engaged. I guess your oven stops working when you say “I do”?

7. Get a tattoo. It’s more permanent than a marriage.    WOAH. Coming from a girl who sounded like she was afraid of commitment, advice of getting a tattoo because it’s more ‘permanent’ is pretty damn goofy. Just make sure you don’t get something you’ll regret, and yes, this includes tattooing their name on you. That’s bad luck. But getting something significant to both of you is a nice idea. But don’t make the decision because it “lasts longer”.

8. Explore a new religion.    How about exploring a new tradition? Or learning more about the religion you share as a couple?

9. Start a small business.     Lol, this one is probably EASIER with your spouse. The whole co-signer deal on your small business loan really helps. I don’t know any single people with their own small business.

10.Cut your hair.     Another one of the ridiculous notions that she seems to think can’t happen after you’re wed. But hey, CUT YOUR HAIR. Cut in a way that you’ve wanting to try but didn’t do because you wanted your long flowing locks perfectly curled at your wedding.

11. Date two people at once and see how long it takes to blow up in your face.    Uh…..I’m really not sure why this is ever suggested. I read that statement as “Lead two people on and try to get away with it without hurting anyone’s feelings.”, which, not sure if you know this or not, it never ends happily, and you end up losing two people that could have been right for you. However, we’ll go with the theme… if you’re married, date again. Date each other.  Take each other on surprise dinners, roleplay, show each other off, take your in-laws to dinner, spend time getting to know your new family.

12. Build something with your hands.   Do it. Do it together. Build a swing for your porch that you can lounge on together.

13. Accomplish a Pinterest project.   Here’s a really great pin of 101 Things To Do With Your Husband and I found it on Pinterest.

14. Join the Peace Corps.   Join the Armed Forces. They have the best insurance.

15. Disappoint your parents.     Why on Earth would I want to do that?! Instead, try making up to each other in creative ways when you disappoint each other.

16. Watch GIRLS, over and over again.     May I suggest Game of Thrones, or Walking Dead, or Breaking Bad, or The Following, or Bob’s Burgers, or Big Bang Theory? GIRLS pretty much sucks.

17. Eat a jar of Nutella in one sitting.    WHY DO YOU HAVE TO BE SINGLE TO DO THIS??????!!!!!

18. Make strangers feel uncomfortable in public places.     Make each other feel comfortable in public places.

19. Sign up for CrossFit.     And go together. Be gym buddies and motivate each other.

20. Hangout naked in front of a window.   Hang out naked with each other, in bed. (Truthfully, I don’t know anyone, single or otherwise, that likes to hang naked in front of a window. I had a reallllllly weird neighbor once that liked to do but he drove an old Winnebago and I swear he was the creepiest guy ever. So don’t hang naked in front of your window, especially if people may see you.)

21. Write your feelings down in a blog.      *rolls eyes* She’s really grasping at straws with this. Like, realllllly desperate for things that are (cue Valley Girl) just, like, soooooo much totally cooler when you’re single. Duh.

22. Be selfish.     I’m really failing at grasping why anyone would WANT to be selfish.  Try being selfless with each other. Give your spouse everything you got, and you’ll be amazed at the amount of love you receive in return.

23. Come with me to the Philippines for Chinese New Year.   I’ll just reply to this with a polite ‘no, thank you’, and tell all you married or engaged or coupled folk to enjoy the New Year with your partner. Make sure you share in a million kisses on that night and every night afterwards.

Just to give you a little clarification on who I am, I’m a 24 year old woman, who doesn’t travel like Vanessa, but like her, am not married. And I agree with her that sometimes people get married too young. And I agree with her that sometimes people only get married because they are on the fast track of becoming teenage parents. But I don’t agree that all young couples are as immature as she makes them out to be, or getting married for the wrong reasons.

I’ve never been married. I almost got married once, when I was 21, but I didn’t. I had the maturity (just as a lot of young people do, and ironically, they’re the one’s who aren’t identifying with ‘millenial’) to realize that I wasn’t ready for it. Am I ready for it now? Probably not. Otherwise I would be married already. But that doesn’t mean I don’t support everyone who is deciding to take the leap with the love of their life and spend it together.

Matter of fact-

My beautiful baby sister just married the love of her life on Friday. They are 21 and 20. And they’re not a statistic.

And just to prove it-every year on their anniversary, I pledge to write a blog post about them. I intend on making Vanessa realize that she has made herself seem like a very bitter person, because that’s what I got out of her post.

Vanessa, Wander Onwards, I sincerely hope that you find someone that makes you WISH you would have met them when you were younger so that you could have experienced their love for as long as possible, even if it means being engaged before you’re 23.

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11 responses to “My Response to “23 Things To Do Instead of Getting Engaged Before You’re 23”

  1. I love this post! Great opinions on everything, and THANK YOU for pointing out that some of her suggestions are plain dumb…

  2. I got married at 19 to a 22 year old. Fourteen years later we are still going strong. You have no idea when you are going to meet the person you will want to spend the rest of your life with. Don’t allow someone to put a label on who you are based on when you meet them. Don’t let that label stop you from being happy. I did not marry my husband because I wanted to hide from life. I married my husband because I wanted to spend my life making new adventures WITH him. We have travelled the world, together. We have done amazing things, together. Vanessa’s blog annoyed me, as I didn’t want teenage girls thinking her ideas were the only ones. Thank you for writing yours.

  3. YES great post (and best wishes to your sister and brother-in-law)! I’m so glad you brought up the statistics. It is the stupidest argument ever. Nobody ACTUALLY has a 50% chance of divorcing. You have either a 0% chance or a 100% chance. Every person’s reasons for marrying or divorcing are unique in some way. It either happens sometime in a person’s life or it doesn’t. It is so outrageous the way people let one simple pointless number run their lives and determine their choices!

    • Thanks, Becky. And yes, it’s either 0% or 100%. It’s not a sliding meter, and if it is, that person isn’t right for you anyways, therefore making it 100%.

      Thank you for the wishes, they will make it. They are strong, healthy couple, with all the love in the world for each other, and wonderful families to back them up!

  4. Pingback: Get Me to the Church on Time | catherinethemessenger·

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