Social Media, I love you.
Social Media, I hate you.
Actually, I don’t really hate you.
Wait, yes I do.
Sigh…it’s a lovehatething.
I suppose if I really analyze my feelings for social media, I can safely come to the conclusion that I don’t hate social media at all. I just hate the people that use it. And all of the supercalifragiliSTUPID things people do on it.
I, among milllllllions of others, am addicted to social media. They’ve actually done studies on it. You can read about some of them here, here, and here. (Note: Those articles may or may not be helpful. I haven’t actually read them.)
So yeah. Addicted to social media.
What sets me apart from the other millions of users, however, is THAT I DON’T DO ANYTHING ANNOYING. At least, I don’t think I do.
But that’s the thing about opinions, they’re personal, and it is my personal opinion that I don’t do anything annoying on social media, even though some of my Facebook friends may disagree. (If you do think I do annoying things, feel free to GTFO.)
And speaking of annoying, the actual word annoying brings me to today’s topic. The most annoying things people do on social media.
You get that?
Here, I’ll type it in English for you.
Omg, I’m typing a whole sentence attached to this hashtag in hopes that someone will click on it and it will link them to hundreds of other related posts that of course used the exact same sentence I put after a pound sign because it’s the totally awesome thing to do.
WHY DO PEOPLE DO THIS?
You know, in hashtags’ defense, they are pretty cool, when used in the right way. All of you people out there typing whole paragraphs attached to one hashtag….I hate you. You HASHTAG ABUSER, you.
(Hang on, I’m not done with the hashtag abuser hate.)
Hashtag abuse is not always paragraphs behind a hashtag. It can also be #something #like #this #where #you #insist #on #using #a #hashtag #for #every #freaking #word #you #type #and #its #always #pointless #story #that #i #lose #interest #in #because #of #all #the #hashtag #abuse #you #people #regularly #commit.
Hashtags, when used in the proper setting, can really help you market whatever it is you’re advertising, or they can assist you in getting some publicity on your posts/feed/tweets. Hashtags connect random people to other random people and can be a great networking tool.
Facebook has recently incorporated the power of hashtags (although you can only interact with them when using a PC) and for the most part, I haven’t seen too much HA (hashtag abuse) there.
Twitter….meh. I’m not much of a Twitter user so I can’t say too much on the misappropriation of hashtags there.
But Instagram, for the love of God, INSTAGRAM and the HA!!!!!!!
#love #instagood #me#like #follow #cute #photooftheday #followme #girl#tagsforlikes #beautiful #happy #picoftheday#instadaily #igers #summer #fun #smile #like4like#friends #fashion #swag #instalike #amazing #style#tflers #money #instamood #selfie #wedding #blackandwhite #black #white #photography #filter #nofilter #makeup #teeth #necklace #tattoo #tattoos #girlswithink #areyouevenstillreadingthisexample
You get it. Hashtag abuse.
I take selfies. I take selfies of myself (obviously), I take selfies with my dog, I take selfies with my mom, with my sister, with my beer, with everything, but…I DON’T POST A MILLION SELFIES A DAY AND OCCASIONALLY MY FOLLOWERS GET A PICTURE OF SOMETHING OTHER THAN MY FACE AND THE UPPER PART OF MY BODY.
Fact is, everyone with a front-facing camera takes selfies. Hell, you don’t even need a front-facing camera to do so. But every. single. picture.
And then(!), when you’re taking selfies at completely inappropriate times, i.e., FUNERALS, it’s a little out of control.
You know what else is a little out of control with the whole selfie thing?
Posting 20 selfies all in the same day in the same outfit with almost the same facial expression in each one.
*Me scrolling through your pictures*
Aw, that one’s cute.
This is the same picture?
Oh, it’s a different picture, same face.
Ok…..you’re looking in a different direction now.
Did you take your hair down in this one?
Different angle, ok, cool.
When I hit a duck face, I’m done. I’m so freaking done. I will ‘unlike’ all twenty of your newly posted selfies so fast you won’t even have time to screenshot all the “love” I just gave you on Instagram or Facebook.
UNSPOKEN/SILENT PRAYER REQUEST(S)
I’m not sure how many of you are aware of what the definition of unspoken or silent is, but for the record-
not expressed in speech; tacit.
not making or accompanied by any sound.
So…in case you didn’t get that when you post:
“Silent prayer request guys!”
“Unspoken prayer request for my family!”
it is no longer silent and/or unspoken.
Ask for prayers for your family. You don’t even have to elaborate on what the prayers are for, or why, but STOP putting either of those two words in front of it. It makes you sound like an idiot and the only thing I’m going to pray for you for is a brain. One that works. Since yours obviously doesn’t.
The only thing I’m really going to say about this is THERE IS NO WAY YOU ARE CONSTANTLY THAT SICK.
I mean, I understand the occasional headache, the fever, the throwing up, etc., but if you are sick consistently at least once a week (this applies to your children as well) go to the freaking doctor. Obviously you have some kind of immune deficiency. Or you’re just a hypochondriac.
Either way it goes, take some Advil, drink some water, and suck it up buttercup.
Yeah, you read it right.
I will not like/share/follow/retweet anything of yours because you are making a feeble attempt of getting your newsfeed more publicity.
Number one, I don’t even use Twitter all that often, so retweeting something of mine so I’ll follow you is pointless. Number two, I don’t have any important people on Facebook, so you’re really not going to benefit from me sharing your crap anyways. And Number three, I couldn’t be less interested in how many ‘likes’ my most recent Instagram picture has, soooooo bye!
That means exactly what it says.
Stop trying to make food sexy.
Unless you are a chef and I intentionally followed you because you post pictures of delicious nom-noms, I don’t give two shits about what you made for dinner or had for lunch.
Your description of everything you eat is boring (I cook better than you do anyways), and when it’s accompanied by a picture, it really only confirms the fact that you have no idea what the difference is between broiled and just plain burnt.
Relationships are NOT meant for social media.
I used to be obsessed with the label ‘Facebook official’ and everything it encompassed. It was my way of saying, “Back off world, this person is mine!”, and it absorbed my entire relationship. (Previous relationship)
To put it simply and to keep the personal details about my life off the internet, not everything having to do with your relationship should be posted to social media. The occasional update like an engagement, or a wedding, is fine, but if every post is about how great your relationship is (or how crappy), I’m not buying it. And sorry to break it to you, neither is the rest of the world.
No one believes that you guys wake up every single day, grinning from ear to ear, and go throughout your life together as a Disney movie.
And to just to add onto the whole relationship thing-
JOINT accounts are ridiculous.
Having a shared Facebook account is like announcing to the world, “Yeah, she carries my balls around in her purse.” Hate to break it to you my friend, but if your lady (or your man) insists on you deleting your personal account so that you can have a shared one with her, you guys are missing some serious trust. Besides, it’s confusing when I want to tag Mary in something and I have to tag JohnandMarySmith instead.
FISHING FOR ATTENTION
“Omg! I hate this picture of me, I look so ugly!!!”
Why in the HELL did you post it then?!
If you really thought that you looked horrible in that picture, you wouldn’t have posted it. I don’t want to hear about how you have no makeup on, or your hair is a mess, or you’re tired, or whatevvvvvver, because I’m not going to tell you “Oh, you look great anyways! Hehe.”
No one likes people who fish for attention. Point. Blank. Period. And just to clarify, this also pertains to people who must consistently draw attention to their achievements or how much good they’ve done for other people.
No one cares.
PATRON SAINTS OF SOCIAL MEDIA
‘Liking’ that picture of Jesus is not going to be anyone’s redemption. Ok? I am going to keep scrolling, and believe it or not, it’s going to be without condemning myself to Hell.
If you really think that ‘liking’ every single picture of Jesus is going to save you, stay away from me. Get off social media. Go home. And pray for you own brain.
I could go on forever (no, really, forever. Don’t get me on a soapbox) about all of the annoying things people do on social media. Unfortunately, actually writing about all of these annoyances has annoyed me to the point where I’m done with this.
You get the jist of this blog.
Now, I’m going to go sit on Facebook and roll my eyes at all of the Jesus pictures and selfies #while #I #share #the #crap #out #of #this #usingthemosthashtagsicanpossiblythinkof.