I am forever plagued with frustration at women. Social Media has done that.
Wait, no. Women have done that.
Single women to be exact.
I’m actually not even referring to all single women, just the small percentage (I say ‘small’, but it’s really quite large) that are angry at the world because they didn’t get exactly what they wanted from a man somewhere down the road of romance.
Why are you so angry that you’re still single?
In case you missed what I told you last time I addressed this issue, (find that here) you. are. single. because. of. you.
Not always, but for the most part, you’re the victimizer in you being a perpetual victim.
About a year ago, I was casually seeing a guy I worked with. I wasn’t really looking for a relationship, just kind of wanted something convenient to quell my loneliness (I worked a lot of hours. Dating wasn’t really an option) for a little while. After making it explicitly clear to him that I did not want a boyfriend, we did our thing, and that was that.
See, Carlos couldn’t understand how a woman was looking only for physical things and had no interest in an actual relationship. Even though I had told him, “Carlos, I don’t want you to take me to dinner. I don’t want to spend the night. I don’t want you to call me at all hours of the night, and I’m not going to call you. You do whatever it is that you do, and I’ll do whatever it is that I do.” He just stared at me with this dumbfounded look on his face and then he asked me (in his super sexy Spanish accent), “Drea, what do you mean you don’t want a boyfriend? Don’t all women want a man to take them to dinner and stuff?”
Carlos and I had a language barrier because English was his second language, and although he understood it very well, I had to break it down to something a little bit easier to digest, which surprised me, because as a woman, I was always under the impression that legitimate NO STRINGS ATTACHED was exactly what men wanted.
That is not exactly what men want.
It is, however, exactly what women give men without even realizing it. And I’ll get there in a second.
Back to Carlos.
I’ve always been really great at metaphors and analogies, so to put into perspective what goes through women’s minds the majority of the time, I told Carlos this:
“Carlos, yes. Women want a man to spend time with them, and bring them places, but they do it backwards a lot of times. They will open their legs for a man, then expect dinner afterwards, and the problem with that is that the man isn’t hungry anymore. The woman should have gotten dinner FIRST, and lots of it, before she gave him dessert. Women will watch a man pour a beer into a wineglass, then drink it, expecting it to be expensive champagne. Me? I like beer, wine, AND champagne, so it doesn’t matter what you pour in my glass, I’m still going to get drunk.”
With Carlos, I didn’t care what else happened, as long as I got ‘drunk’. However, I was drinking responsibly. I knew EXACTLY what was in my cup.
Now, is that all I’m after nowadays? No, I have a man that I’m completely content (amazingly happy, actually) with, but that’s not the point.
The point is that a lot of women are throwing tomato sauce and uncooked pasta into the “pot”, expecting to eat a six-course meal complete with lobster tail and a perfectly cooked bacon-wrapped filet mignon, when the only thing they’re going to get is Dollar Tree spaghetti.
And do not for a second believe that I am bashing women.
I’m simply speaking from a woman’s perspective because hey, I don’t have foreskin or anything close to it.
So woman to woman, stop doing this to yourself!
Stop bending over backwards and handing out coupons to your popsicle stand when the person receiving the coupons doesn’t even have money to buy a popsicle! I’m not talking about actual money, materialism will get you nowhere, I’m talking about you catering to a man who has no interest or intentions on elevating you from “booty-call” to “wife”. Trust me when I say that he is only giving back to you what you are allowing him to get away with.
No man has any interest in marrying a woman that gives herself to any person that comes along without deserving it. Why would he?
I mean, you have to ask yourself, if you ran up on a man that will do everything for you, but you don’t have to call him ‘boyfriend’ or anything like that, are you going to?!
The answer is no.
It is human nature to accept the minimum if that’s what works.
When setting standards, you have to make the lines blatantly CLEAR.
No exclusiveness? Ok, no exclusive perks. Too easy.
American Express isn’t handing out frequent flier miles to people using a Discover card, so why would you?
You are watching a man pour Boone’s Farm and Mad Dog in your cup and praying that overnight it’s going to turn into Cristal and top-shelf Patron.
He isn’t Jesus.
And neither are you.
But regardless of what’s in the cup, y’all are out there chugging these drinks down, getting drunk, and then wondering why you’re waking up alone, with a bad taste in your mouth and a hangover.
When you give someone allllllll of the perks of being in a relationship without clinching the exclusive title, you are asking for heartache. You are telling that man (and everyone else) without words that it’s peachy keen for him to waltz in and out of your home (and you) without having to work for it, whenever he wants.
Now, I’m not saying to you need to make him jump through hoops. I’m not saying he should be spoiling you with flowers, and cards, or playing New Daddy to your kids, or even sporting a relationship status on Facebook with you, but he should not be experiencing something that is not warranted when your emotional stability isn’t guaranteed from him.
And actually, I need to clarify that.
Your happiness is based solely on your mind. You shouldn’t be banking on anyone to be the sole provider of your happiness, that needs to come from you first. Otherwise, there isn’t a single person or thing that can help you.
See, a relationship is where two people continually lift each other up. But you can’t expect someone to lift up a person acting like a paraplegic when their arms and legs work perfectly fine! You have to meet somewhere in the middle.
But I digress.
What I meant by ‘your emotional stability’ when coming from a man, or whomever your relationship is with, is if they are not delivering consistent results, you cannot just reward them anyways. They do not Pass Go, they do not collect $200, and they do not get to treat you like a McDonald’s Drive Thru when you’re worth so much more than that.
Because if you stop and really really really think about it, when you’re training a new puppy (not saying men are dogs), you’re not going to give the puppy a treat because he peed on your carpet and ate your shoes! You’re going to put the puppy outside, in the grass and show him where his pee goes, and whip his ass with the shoe. You see where I’m going with that?
Single women, please, discontinue this nonsense right now, because I am so so sooooooo tired of watching women EVERYWHERE trying to figure out where it is they went wrong, and why they’re not married yet.
We all make mistakes, that’s life, and we’re human, but make him buy his groceries, not use a food stamp card.